


Doing It To Death

by ThisBooksAuthor



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, cassette tapes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 22:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11564568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisBooksAuthor/pseuds/ThisBooksAuthor
Summary: Hannah is dead. The tapes are out, and Alex blames himself for it all."Baby lately the plans we're makingAre the shape of things that never comeHold your horses, the lights upCan't feel it coming back around'Cause we're doing it to deathWe're doing it to death."





	1. Dead Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold. Dead. Eyes.  
> Just like many other promises to himself, this is just another one that Alex breaks.

Alex leaned over the bathroom sink as if it was the only lifeline keeping him grounded, and at this moment...it was. He gripped the cool marble edge so hard that his knuckles were turning white. He looked up at the mirror and internally cringed at the sight he saw. The roots of his bleached blonde hair were brown, giving him a disheveled uncaring look, and that was exactly how he felt. Uncaring. His face was completely healed from his fight with Montgomery, all except the yellow undertones of a few unhealed bruises and a deep gash just above his eyebrow. He took in the look of his face. The saddened lines below his mouth just exaggerate his ever present frown. The deep purple bags under his eyes. And his eyes themselves. His cold, dead eyes. Alex remembered once reviewing a compliment about the way his eyes shone when he laughed, but that was long gone. There was no more laughing for Alex. No more sparkle in his eye, instead it was replaced with a content, bored glaze. A shell that he hid behind, an attempted escape, but there was only one way out of this hell and Alex knew that. Alex released his death grip on the counter and opened the medicine cabinet. Pulling out the small box of razor blades that his dad kept. He rolled up his sleeves and looked down a the few scars just below his hand. He had promised himself he would not do this anymore. It was bad, unhealthy, he knew. But just like many others— he was about to break this promise. He gripped the end of the blade and dragged it across his wrist in a short deep line. Two. Only two. He promised himself replicating the line onto the other arm. He sighed as he watched the blood drip from the cut. He rinsed the blade off and dropped it back into the box, placing it once again in the cabinet. Thoughts swirled in his mind. 'You deserve this, you know you do. You killed Hannah.' He pulled down his sleeves not even trying to stop the bleeding. Instead he stared at the mirror, he stared into his dead eyes and started sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell if this is an ok story or not, comment below and let me know what you think so far. Thanks❤


	2. Storyline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As stated in episode 1. Possible spoilers.

Hannah wanted everything to stop. So she stopped it. 

Simple logic, as Alex saw, not really a flaw to be found, it was a problem and a solution. A want and a need. She wanted something so she did it. 

And that something was what Alex understood too well. Something that he had thought about too much, something that he would avoid in conversations at all costs.  
But if it was about Hannah, good luck silencing him, the truth will out. But it was taking too fucking long, and Alex didn’t know if he could wait that long. He didn’t know if he could make it though. Having to admit what he did was the easy part, but having it completely take over his life was another.  
Why the fuck should I care? Depositions were tomorrow. Everyone would know what happened anyways. The truth had to come out. But he didn’t need to be the one to tell it.  
Alex’s phone buzzed for what seemed like the hundredth time, snapping him out of his daze. It was Zach. Again. He ignored his phone and placed it on his bedside table.  
His mind was made up.  
He swiftly walked over to his desk, and reached for a notebook. The same one that he had scribbled lyrics in, back when he still cared, but that time seemed a million years in the past.  
He ripped out a page and scribbled a note down, he was crying at this point. He grabbed the note, slamming the pencil back onto the desk, and running down the stairs. What had to be done had to be done.  
He left the note on the kitchen counter, then crossed the small living room. He slammed over the basement door and ran down those steps too, to the safe his dad kept.  
His dad didn’t know he knew the code.  
A manatra of the “Hannah” was running through his head as he reached into the safe and felt the weight of the gun. Then the weight of the bullets.  
He needed to see this happen, to visualize justice for Hannah, because this was his fault. He sprinted up the stairs to the upstairs bathroom and closed the door. No point in locking it. It wouldn’t matter in the end, and this was the end. It wasn’t without another thought, or another tear, because that’s all that Alex seemed to have, instead he stared at his reflection, flinched and pulled the trigger. 

In out and into the wall.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to you for leaving a kudos ❤


End file.
